If you read my blog and have ever used an online dating service (whether it was a success or not), can you please e-mail me?
I’d like to ask you some questions.
It will be fun and funny and just a bit scandalous, kind of like the present writer.
Within the next few weeks, my new homepage will be put up (the one that shows how classy and professional of a writer and translator I am) — the blog will be moving to a new directory.
So it was recommended that I take some actual good, non Mac Photobooth photos to put on said site and that’s where this guy comes in:
Meet Adam Daniels.
He took my pictures.
He is wearing my bracelet, how good does it look on him?
And doesn’t he have such lovely blue eyes?
(Maybe you can’t see them in the picture above, but this is a picture I stole from his Facebook page.)
There, now you can see them.
Also, this is one of my favourite pictures that he’s taken:
There are several reasons you should hire Adam to take pictures but the most important reason is this: Adam loves people. And, it clearly shows in the manner in which he treats the photo shoot. He will make you feel at ease. You will have fun. And then you will end up with great photos to use on your website.
Though my past experiences dating a narcissist (yes, a real narcissist) made me want to shoot myself, it turns out that Cornell University has something good to say about these types of people.
According to Jack Goncalo, narcissists have more influence over their peers than their non-narcissist counterparts. Even though their ideas may not be that great nor creative, their perception of their own ideas is positive enough for them to present the ideas with more enthusiasm and confidence. As a result of that enthusiasm, confidence, and charisma, the ideas are better received.
But, like most things, “too many cooks spoil the soup” and a team full of narcissists isn’t effective at all. Where would there be room for creativity and harmony with so many clashing egos?
What should you take away from this?
Lately, the endangered Bonobo ape has been making news in the science world — the first article I read about these guys is that they are one of the few non-human primates that use sex not only to reproduce, but also as a way to attenuate social conflict. In fact, Frans De Waal, noted primate scientist found that those sexy Bonobos are using sex for reproduction only 25% of the time! That means that three quarters of their sexual interactions are not just to make baby monkeys.
Although I found that pretty interesting (and hilarious), what really tickled my fancy was learning that the most effective way Bonobos get laid is — wait for it — having their moms as their wingman (wingwoman? wingmonkey?)
Before you get all “oh, ew, I would never want my mom to help me get laid and my mom would never do that anyway…” remember this: your mom wants you to get laid. Why? Because you getting laid is passing on your genes, which inevitably is you passing on her genes. There is a biological reason that your mother would be invested in your sex life.
And if you think you don’t get your mum’s help — how many of you have ever fallen for the “oh, my son would be a wonderful match for you!” or hearing that your mom tried to pimp you out to one of her knitting group’s friend’s daughter.
It’s just her basic biology.
There’s a moment in my life, one from my childhood, that I distinctly remember and it went something around the lines of me saying:
“No way Michael (my little brother), the Lambo will kill the Ferrari in a heartbeat and besides that — if I could pick one car to drive for the rest of my life, it would definitely be the Mustang GT500, 1967 of course.”
Cue ten years later, after eight years of driving “experience” and although I still love the Mustang, this is the car that makes me happy in all the right places:
This is a 1969 Trans Am and if some guy ever pulled up in one of these bad boys in our first date, I’d marry him (if he let me drive it).
Which is where I’m going with this — real women know how to drive stick.
Seriously.
Forget all the phallic imagery, perverts, but recently added to my list of being a grown woman is the requirement: knows how to drive stick. Forget the functionality of it, because knowing how to do something practical is always better than not knowing and when you want to borrow your cousin’s car and its a stick and oh-yea-you’re-stranded…
But driving stick is really driving. Earlier this weekend, I convinced my friend to let me drive his supercharged Corvette Z-something…did I mention that the “T” in “T-Top” for that car stands for “testosterone”? Amazing. Maybe I’m a boy for thinking all this but there is nothing more satisfying than driving a car with more horsepower than is actually necessary. And, when its not an automatic (sorry dad, I love your car) there’s an actual satisfaction to the driving aspect of it because you have to understand how it works and intuitively feel the car.
So, I got all excited and called my other friend who I knew would share my excitement for my newfound skill and convinced him that he had to let me drive his car too, a super sporty convertible. After a brief lesson in downshifting, rev matching, and “woman, you’re going to burn out my clutch”, I decided that I was hooked.
He promised me more driving lessons if the next time I was able to be in a 1969 Trans Am (like that’s ever happened), I would wear a wife beater, aviators and trucker cap.
ITS GOING TO HAPPEN.
For now: if you’re a guy who owns the above car and are hot and not a redneck, please e-mail me. If you rebuilt it yourself, please put that in the subject.
And, if you’re a girl then call up one of your many awesome stick-driving guy friends and have them teach you. But make sure they know the difference between “teaching you to drive stick like an automatic” and “actually teaching you how to drive stick”. If you’re an adrenaline junkie like yours truly, there is a huge difference. If you’re a pansy, then get the sand out of your vagina and try again.
I like Happy Jew Year (Rosh Hashanah). I actually like any excuse to make a sort of “fresh start” (because its never really fresh and so although every day is a new day, I like when there are pseudo-milestones.
I can’t think of a better way to start this “year” than with the philosophy behind Time-Peace and their watches.
The right time is always NOW.
Happy New Year. Love.
With the success of MMOs and virtual worlds like World Of Warcraft, not to mention current research that shows that by playing online games, gamers may be learning the skills we need in order to solve real world problems, I’ve decided to introduce my “Lee Sheldon* Guide to Dating – How to Level Up From Awkward First Date to Spouse”
* Level will be determined by experience points (XP) on a 2000 XP scale. You gain XP by defeating stereotypes, completing milestones, and courting.
Key traits to notice in my avatar (these are all purposely put there, of course, as nothing is redundant or accidental in MMO-land): shiny black hair (healthy woman, check), goofy smile (shows I can smile, check), fez (slightly cut off, shows I’m Moroccan, check), Adriana Lima’s body, technically my body (shows I’m hot, check). Also, you can’t see it, but I’m holding my PhD diploma behind my head.
Ok, moving right along – how do you earn experience points?
Solo: Ask me out on a first date. (Online 20 points, via phone 30 points, in person 50 pts.) Maximum earnings: 50 points.
Solo: Actually have planned out the date. (25 pts. Extra credit: +5 points, creativity.)
Solo: Execute the date, gliding over any flaws/unplanned issues. (Extra credit. 25 pts.)
Solo: Repeat above steps, accumulate points.
Guild: Introduce me to your friends. (+25 points. Extra credit: 25 points, if they know who I am already.)
Guild: Meet my friends. (+25 points. Extra credit: 25 points, if when you leave, they tell me they don’t think you’re a total douche bag.)
Solo: Craft 3-month analysis of relationship: review core values, compatibility levels, satisfaction levels, overall development. (Oral, 100 pts.)
Pick-Up Group: 2-Player presentation. Meeting your family. (150 pts. Extra credit: +25 points if I like your sister.)
Solo: 1-Player reading presentation – admitting you love me. (150 pts. but easier than above)
Solo: Defeat Five Random Mobs (5 spontaneous silly arguments. Points earned if no tempers flare, no insults are exchanged, reconciled quickly, 250 pts. total, 1 extra credit question per quiz)
Solo: Defeat Five Random Mobs (More real, significant arguments).250 points total, deduct points for insults, not fighting fair.
Solo: Craft 1-year analysis on relationship of your choice (Oral, 125 pts.
Repeat “dating” solo steps.
Solo: Craft possible future plans, factoring whether I’m part of them. If yes, proceed. If no, return to MMO as Level One Avatar, hopefully in a new virtual world.
If yes:
Defeat Level Boss: Ask my dad to marry me. (hahaha!) 400 pts.)
Guild: Paper Prototype Presentation: Write your vows, make them mean something. (50 pts. Each)
Guild: Craft Final Project: Wedding Concept (Written, 400 pts.)
Guild: Wedding. (+25 points for being a grown man).
Rolling Points System (accumulate consistently throughout relationship, deduct as necessary).
Solo: Class attendance. How punctual/reliable are you? (300 skill pts. total, 10 to start. 290 additional pts. at 10 pts. per day of “attendance”)
Extra credit for early completion of final proposal (10 pts./Monday; 5 pts./Tuesday; see calendar)
Solo Camping: Love-letter Building (Extra credit. 1 pt. per entry. 50 pt. cap per player. First come first served.)
Group: Peer Review Secret Ballot: Family/friends opinion. (Extra credit. 0-100 possible XP as follows:
1. Guild Leader 100 pts.
2. Raid Leader 75 pts.
3. Solid Guild Crafter 50 pts.
4. Needs more XP, only time will tell. 25 pts.
5. “He sucks, Mel” 0 pts.
Grading is rigorous. Good hygiene, manners, and class are a must. Points will be deducted otherwise.
*Lee Sheldon is a former professor at the University of Indiana who taught Multiplayer Game Design and became known, not somewhat known, (!) (in the education/gaming world) for reforming the grading system commonly used in university classes. His changes resulted in better attendance and better overall academic performance.
I had a ton of fun writing this, I hope you guys had fun reading it! Tomorrow (or later this week) I’ll write a post about why online games should be a model for some “real-life” interaction based on current, peer-reviewed, studies. Fun!
I like Facebook, admittedly. I have tried going cold-turkey, did an experiment where I deleted my account for 3 months and created a new one (did not reactivate the old one) and decided that I like my life with Facebook in it. Its great for staying in touch with long-distance friends, exchanging Skype IDs, reconnecting with old acquaintances, and posting photos. Most importantly, its fantastic for when you need your friends to post cliche comments about your recent breakup.
But Facebook is an easy place to lie. How easy is it for you to post what is likely the most (or only) flattering picture of you at “just the right angle and lighting”? Or, you could “forget” to put your relationship status, (if you’re married, this is awkward). You could write whatever you want about yourself (who can prove it?) and your favourite movie that you list could really be that obscure indie film but no one will know if you’ve ever seen it.
Its hard to tell lies on Facebook. How can you tell if someone is making up what they’re writing or how they want us to perceive them? So this is what I am going to say — Facebook is to be taken at face value. The intimate views and understanding of someone will NOT come from there — pick up the phone and call someone to figure that stuff out.