I really injured my neck last Thursday during aikido class. Friday was spent in a mostly horizontal position on my wooden floor. Saturday was a bit better and by Sunday, I was kicking it back in jiu-jitsu class though I couldn’t do any sit-ups or rolls.

But then something peculiar happened when I tried to roll during my next aikido class.  I couldn’t push myself to do it. I would get into the right position, lean backwards and…stop myself.  Now, rolling is an integral part of aikido so I had to deal with this.  I talked to the sensei about it and he said “ok, don’t worry, next class I will roll you. I will make sure you don’t hurt yourself. You’ll build your confidence back up and then you’ll be fine.”

Hmm. Ok. So we did it once, twice, a third time with him pushing me over. After time number three, he said it was my turn but I still couldn’t do it. Ok, on to time number 4, 5, 6, from him I went over without a problem. By the last few times, I was doing it on my own and he was just making sure I was keeping my neck out of the way (the fear with backwards rolling is you’re trying to look to see where you’re landing, putting your neck in a very bad position).

Evasive Defense Against Bokken (Sword)

I thanked him after and he explained that it was no problem, that it was important to make sure that I was able to trust him (and my other partners) even when I wasn’t 100% comfortable trusting myself.  This became even more apparent during the Weapons training class, where my partner, Chris, was pretty much trying to slice through my head with a bokken. Sure, I moved and we certainly weren’t going at it full strength, but there’s a certain degree of trust needed in that kind of situation.

Sort of like the childhood game where you fall into someone’s outstretched arms.  Sometimes, our friends, our family, are what we need to get that confidence back.