Two things made me think today, an impressive feat as I slept < 5 hours last night.

First thought-inducer: Grown Man’s post of yesterday where he discusses an attached man dining with a single/possibly attached (her relationship status is negligibly important) and in what situation this is appropriate. Ok, so I dine “one-on-one” with men all the time. Clients (for the freelance gig), bosses (for the medical gig), friends, and so on. Do I consider it treacherous territory? No. Do I consider ittreacherous territory if the guy pays? No, he’s my client dammit, he better pay. Do I consider it treacherous territory if its a “nice restaurant”? Not usually, but it becomes dangerous at one point.

Example: a few months ago, Brendan (the straight besty guy friend) and I went to dinner at what could be considered a fine dining restaurant here in Chicago. He wore a nice shirt that wasn’t inside out (trust me, this is a big deal) and didn’t wear flip-flops (also a big deal) and I wore a real shirt, not a white T-shirt from the kids department of Target. We had an appetizer, main course, and shared a dessert but never ONCE could someone have walked in and thought we were on a date. The demeanor was just NOT there. Also, he paid, but that’s because he was making up for being a bad friend.

So what is inappropriate? My line is slightly more left than most women’s but I will say that there are some situations I don’t approve of and they fall under the single category of “anything that feels like a date”. If it feels like a date, you shouldn’t be there. And, if its something that happens all-too frequently — thats probably not cool either. I can’t find the source but I read a study a couple of years ago that showed a correlation between the proximity between two people and the likelihood they would cheat on their spouse with them. It can be summarized as: someone you may not necessarily find desirable in most circumstances will seem so because of time spent together and shared experiences (like working together). What that means, in theory, is if I were ever to cheat on the future Mr. Malka, it’d be with a doctor at the hospital I work with. Shared experience, shared time = adultery. Fuck science, here’s how to prevent that: share your experience with your significant other. Plus, most surgeons are class douches.

Second thought inducer: Wife Swap. Yes, the bad TV show. The premise of the show: two families get a new wife/mom for the week and have to abide by new mom’s rules and schedule. In today’s episode, one of the women was a self-titled “fitness mom” and worked out three hours a day. At first, I was like “ok, that’s cool, woman’s got guns” but then she talked about how it was her ex-air force fighter pilot husband who got her into her CRAZY working out routine and showed them working out side by side and she was doing a lot of man-moves. Dislike. First, give the girl a break, boobs are part of femininity and b) I hate when couples merge every single one of their interests and pastimes and essentially become an amorphous blob of cheesy pet names and sappy YouTube video moments.

Ok so I love working out and if one day, Boyfriend was like “MelMal, I really want to go to the gym with you today and see your rippling six-pack abs in action” (THIS IS MY BLOG, I CAN WRITE WHATEVER I WANT), I’d be like “Sure boyfriend”. Would I want Boyfriend to see my grunting like a rhino during bicycle sit-ups on a regular basis? False. Also, working out is my drug and alone time.

Basically, you can share in your sig-other’s activities without becoming their little clone. You’ll be better off because of it…trust me!