There were quite a few responses to the first “Grown Woman” post so I’m going to supplement it with another one.  This isn’t necessarily on being a grown woman in a relationship, more like being a grown woman.  Period.

1.  Walk gracefully. I know I briefly addressed this in the last post under the subheading of “learn to walk in high heels” but I decided it needed to be elaborated upon.  Ok, so here is the way it works — you chose to wear high heels out that night, right?  No one forced them on your feet?  Yeah…so that means you can’t force your wince-y, whiny “but my feet hurt so we can’t walk two blocks to the next bar, let’s take a cab” upon anyone else.  Especially if there are gentlemen present.  If you decided to grace us with your now artificial 5’7 presence, deal with the repercussions of looking so sexy.  Your feet will hurt.  Also, it’s kind of gross when you take your shoes off and walk barefoot down the street.  I’ll give you my secret ingredient:  Penny Loves Kenny fold-flats.  I carry them every day and they’re small enough to fold into a bag you’d take out at night.

2.  Learn to cook. You don’t have to be an Michelin star chef but please know the difference between basil, mint, and rosemary.  Biologically (and evolutionarily) we were designed to feed our children.  Once the breast milk gig is over, you’re still responsible and if you don’t want your kid, your husband, or yourself ending up on a show like the “Biggest Loser”, well, learn to cook.  Cooking healthily is not that difficult and you can check out Jamie Oliver’s website for some easy to make stuff.

3.  Don’t steal someone’s boyfriend.  Even once. There’s a girl who stole my boyfriend in college.  It was quite amazing, the feat she accomplished.  Sadly, it didn’t make me distrust men, it made me dislike women even more than I already did.  Of course, there are two flaws in the equation there: both the boyfriend and the friend were people of lesser character than I’d choose to associate myself with today.  But…the reputation sticks.  Always.  As Girl-With-Many-Guy-Friends (that’s my Dances with Wolves name, by the way) I know that sometimes, girlfriends of theirs will get jealous.  Then they get to know me and realise that a) I’m one of the guys  b) I don’t want their boyfriend and 3) I’m kind of an awesome girl-friend, so we become friends.  My percentage of befriending my man-friends’ women: let’s say 80% success rate.  My percentage of sleeping with their men: 0%  I’m pretty sure those two things are related.

4.  Be grateful. So, other grown women, how many times has someone held the door open for you?  How many times did you say thank you?  I hope those numbers are the same.  I can’t stress the importance of being a grateful, polite grown woman.  It is just unbecoming otherwise.  Two little words.  Say them often and mean them.

5.  Be true to your word and yourself. If you say you’re going to do something, do it.  If you say something, mean it.  And if you mean something, say it.  You don’t need to be a bitch but the world is always a better place when no one is worried about your raving lunatic emotions.  I’m going to go into emotions and controlling them in another post but this is more specific to small incidences that can happen with your mom, your boss, your boyfriend, your best friend.  Just say what you have to say, get it out of the way, and move on with your respective lives.  If you need help with the “C” word (that’s “confrontation”, perverts) than use these ice-breakers:

• Hey, can we talk for a minute?  I just wanted to tell you that I felt…
• I’m not upset anymore but it bothered me a lot when…

Or you could go Mel-style and just drop it but this is after years of practice.

6.  Be private about your business. Did you ever hear your mother say “don’t air your dirty laundry out in public?”  Smart woman.  No fighting in public.  No trash talking your boyfriend at work.  If you’re the unlucky couple that gets into the fight before “that big cocktail event”, well, stick it out with a strained smile on your face for the night and deal with your shit at home.  This applies to everyone and everywhere.  This is a non-negotiable.  The damage done by going public with your problems is much more unfixable than any other problem you could have.

7.  Be a woman of valor. What does that mean?  It means that there are a lot of different kind of women out there.  There are the kind that make themselves proud, but no one else.  The kind that make their mom and dad proud, but not themselves.  The kind that make no one proud.  And finally — the woman of valor — the one that embodies integrity, respect, love, feminine polarity in just right amounts.  You can tell when a man has this kind of woman because he walks proudly next to her.  Look around the next time you’re out…it’s fun to see this.